Internet

Dark Humor Jokes- With No Limits For Twisted Funny

Dark Humor Jokes- With No Limits For Twisted Funny

Dark Humor Jokes -Just to keep them to yourself or to people as sick as you are.

Certain people have truly ridiculous senses of humor and are prone to laughing at things that shouldn’t be hilarious. If this is you, congrats! You’ve arrived at the right spot.

If you possess a dark sense of humor, take a break. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. There are certain studies even proving that those who love dark humor could be more knowledgeable than average people.

If black comedy is the best choice for you, you’ll enjoy this collection of more than 120 dark, disgusting and grotesque jokes.

We began this list with a cautionary note however, here’s a different one in case you need it It’s an assortment of dark humor. Dark humor is a way to highlight aspects of our lives that we aren’t comfortable discussing like depression, death, illness, or disaster and tries to make these issues seem less frightening by focusing on the humorous aspect of these things.

Some might be offended by these jokes But since this piece is tagged “dark humor jokes so dark we have to warn you twice” We’ll presume that you’re here for a reason. Let’s begin…

Best Dark Humor Jokes

➣”When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was, to be Frank in Stein”.

➣”Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted”.

➣”My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what he’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine”!

➣”Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person”.

➣”It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive”.

➣”Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times”.

➣”When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings”.

➣”Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life”.

➣”My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right”.

➣”When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back”.

➣”A priest asks the convicted murderer in the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”

➣”I just read that someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy”.

➣”The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved”.

➣”You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo”.

➣”Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield? Everywhere”.

➣”What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick”.

➣”My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support”.

➣”My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister”.

➣”What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge”!

➣”Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

➣”How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry”.

➣”I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5″.

➣”They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline”.

➣”My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow”.

➣”I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work”.

➣”The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted”.

➣”I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset about it. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor”.

➣”My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don’t even care”.

➣”Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera”.

➣”A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

➣”As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice”.

➣”I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden”.

➣”The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis”.

➣”Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions”.

➣”I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere”.

➣”Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs”.

➣”A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree exclaims, “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

➣”My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her”.

➣”What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found”.

➣”I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors”.

Funny Dark Humor Jokes

➣”When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was, to be Frank in Stein”.

➣”My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine”!

➣”They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important”.

➣”When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates”.

➣”I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy”.

➣”What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick”.

➣”Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

➣”Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life”.

➣”My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow”.

➣”Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs”.

➣”I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors”.

➣”I was reading a great book about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down”.

➣”I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere”.

➣”It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive”.

➣”What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt”.

➣”An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough”.

➣”Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line”.

➣”I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once”.

➣”Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst”.

➣”I have a joke about trickle-down economics. But 99% of you will never get it”.

➣”The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me”.

➣”Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them”.

➣”I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

➣”It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey”.

➣”What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car”.

➣”I work with animals,” the guy says to his date.  “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he says.

➣”Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face-off in the corner”.

➣”Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver”!

➣”Just say NO to drugs!” Well, If I’m talking about my drugs, I probably already said yes”.

➣”I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor”.

➣”As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice”.

➣”The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis”.

➣”A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”

Dark Humor Jokes With No Limits

➣”Why can’t you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn’t born yesterday”!

➣”What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge”!

➣”How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry”.

➣”Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst”.

➣”I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5″.

➣”They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline”.

➣”Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line”.

➣”I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work”.

➣”The most corrupt CEOs are the ones who run pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted”.

➣”An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough”.

➣”To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state”.

➣”There’s a lot of talk about starting families but no one ever talks about finishing what they started”.

➣”Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.”

➣”My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right”.

➣”Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it”.

➣”When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back”.

➣”A priest asks the convicted murderer in the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”

➣”What is the one good thing about child molesters? They drive slowly in the school zones”.

➣”The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved”.

➣”You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo”.

➣”What part of a vegetable can’t you eat? The wheelchair”

➣”Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield? Everywhere”.

Dark Humor Jokes Orphans

“What part is usually missing in an orphan’s computer system”?

Motherboard.


“What do you call an 18-year-old orphan”?

Homeless


“Why are orphans unable to work at S.C Johnson”?

Because it’s a family business.


“What’s an orphan’s favorite event”?

Homecoming.


“Why don’t orphans play the game of hide-and-seek”?

They won’t be found because no one will look for them.


“Knock, knock”.

Orphan: Who’s there?

Not your parents.


“Why does an orphans’ calendar only have 363 days”?

There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.


“What’s an orphan’s favorite movie character”?

Harry Potter.


“New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid”.

Students: OOOF

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Students: Your Parents.


“Why are orphans so fond of tennis”?

It’s the only place they can get love.


“I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance”.


“What did the underage poker player say to the elder?

“Will you raise me?”


“How did the orphan gain fame”?

They said, “Go Big or Go Home.”


“What is the difference between a Dog pound and an orphanage”?

In a dog pound, people actually want it.


“Why did the Orphans’ first phone be an iPhone X”?

Because it didn’t have a home button.


“How do you make an orphan’s hand bleed”?

Tell him to clap until his parents come back.


“Why can’t orphans get five stars in GTA”?

Because they are not wanted.


“What is the other word for an orphan”?

Parent.


“Why are orphans unable to participate in school field trips”?

Parent Signature: _______.


“Why don’t orphans understand Dad’s jokes”?


“One day I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan”.

He said, “Yeah what gave me away?”

I said,” His parents.”


“What do you call a virgin from Alabama”?

An orphan.


“What caused the orphaned girl to cry during sex”?

Cause his boyfriend asked, “who’s your daddy?”


“Why can’t orphans play baseball”?

Because they can’t find a home.


“Ukrainian orphaned kids relocating to Scotland”.

From one hellhole to another.


“Is it possible for orphans to go on an away trip”?

No, because they already are on one.


“What did Santa give the mute, blind, quadriplegic orphan at Christmas”?

Chlamydia.


“Do you know what the F in “orphan” stands for”?

Family


“What is the difference between an Orphan and an Apple”?

An apple gets picked.


“If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan”.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?


“I despise it when a couple has a minor quarrel and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.”

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’


“What did one of the orphans say to the other”r?

“ROBIN, GET IN THE BATMOBILE!”


“Why couldn’t an orphan under the age of 18 access an adult website”?

Since you need your parent’s consent to enter.


“What do orphans get at Xmas”?

Lonely.


Read These pages:

55 Widest Deez Nuts Jokes -You will read forever

Funny jokes in English- Very Funny Jokes, Funny Jokes On Friends, Funny Jokes In Girl

99+ Best Dad Jokes That makes the whole family laughing- Best Dad Jokes Ever

Best Friend Quiz Questions: How well do your friends know you?

About the author

jayaprakash

I am a computer science graduate. Started blogging with a passion to help internet users the best I can. Contact Email: jpgurrapu2000@gmail.com

Add Comment

Click here to post a comment